The Princess Diaries

Hello. I’m Vincent’s 12 year old sister. My name is Vincentina. He asked me to, like, write a few words about, umm, this DVD. So I said, umm, okay.

He said he was too much of a man to watch this film and waste time writing about it. He said he had to go out with his friends and shoot wild pigs and drink lots of full strength beer and have lots of sex with women who aren’t his wife. "Whatever", I said. And I think he’s lying, because I’m sure I saw him in the backyard doing some weeding. He was wearing his wife’s gardening gloves, too.

So I watched the DVD and it was really neat. I wish I was a princess. It’s about a really dorky but funny girl who discovers she’s really a princess in a far off place somewhere. Anne Hathaway plays the dorky girl called Mia Thermodynamics. She has huge wild hair and severe forestation for eyebrows. She just tries to be invisible at school because she’s so shy. People don’t remember her name and she barfs in class when she’s nervous. She only has two friends. She’s just like me! Her enemy is played by Mandy Moore. Mandy is a skanky ho. I’m not buying her CDs ever again.

One day Mia meets her grandmother, played by the wonderful Julie Andrews. I want her to be my mum. That would be cool. Sorry mum, but that’s what you get when I ask for a FUBU jacket and you buy me a “Barbie's First Training Bra�. So grandma tells Mia that she’s really a princess of another country and she has to come and rule there or the country will have to be ruled by another family! Mia doesn’t know if she wants to be a princess, but allows her grandmother (who’s also the queen) to teach her how to be a real lady and a princess instead of an un-co dork.

When they transform Mia, she turns into a real babe! She’s, like, beautiful! I wish someone would help me look like that then tell me I’m a princess. My life sucks bad.

Then the movie is about whether or not Mia will agree to be the princess and move away from her friends, or stay home and be a dorky girl forever. I think she should be the princess! I would. Screw my friends. I want to rule a country!

So even though my life really sucks bad because I get hassled by my mum and Vincent always bosses me around, The Princess Diaries doesn’t suck, it’s really cool!

The picture was really pretty, I liked it a lot. Vincent said he saw something called macro-blocking in the backgrounds sometimes early in the film, and sometimes there’s a bit of grain, but I don’t care because I didn’t really notice it. The colours looked real nice, nice and natural, not like a cartoon at all. He also said to tell you the picture is in a 1.85:1 aspect ratio and has 16:9 enhancement, which sounds like really nerdy boring stuff to know.

The sound for the film was really nice and clear too. I could understand everything everyone said, even when that skank Mandy Moore sang a stupid song that sounded like she was lipsynching to a CD. The sound is in Dolby Digital 5.1, but even though it’s really clear, nothing much happens with the speakers really. Vincent said that sometimes there wasn’t even much stereo panning at all, and the back speakers in his lounge room did nothing to add to the sound. I think Vincent should shut up and stop watching films where things blow up all the time. He’s an idiot.

The extras stuff is kinda really good. The cover says we get a featurette called “A New Cinderella�, two Music Videos, Deleted Scenes and an Audio Commentary from Gary Marshall. But the DVD also has a second Commentary by Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews! This one is much better than the Gary Marshall one, because he’s an old boring person and he makes me want to go to sleep. Anne and Julie’s commentary is fun, because they have tea and cucumber sandwiches and are much more fun to listen to. The Music Videos are okay, not as good as Britney Spears, she rocks! but they were nice songs anyway. The Deleted Scenes are introduced by Gary Marshall, and there are eight of them, and they’re okay, but nothing special. I think Mr. Marshall looks kinda creepy. I don’t like him. The Featurette - “A New Princess� (not “A New Cinderella� like it says on the cover) goes for 24 minutes and is pretty interesting. Oh yeah, and just in case you're Italian like me, there are two Italian subtitles for the commentary, but only wogs will be able to read them, I guess.

The Princess Diaries was a fun movie. Sometimes I could see Vincent watching it from the hallway, pretending he was looking at something on the walls when I caught him. I could hear him laugh a few times, and later his wife told me he said that he wouldn’t mind watching the movie himself because it looked pretty good! He said Anne Hathaway was cute and Hector Elizondo was good, and so was Julie Andrews.

I say that if you like nice movies, and you wish you were a princess instead of a dorky little girl, then you should get this DVD.

Bye bye, I had a lot of fun writing this review, but now I have to get off the computer because Vincent said he has work to do, but I know he just looks at rude pictures! See ya!