Brokedown Palace

My friends and I have often discussed becoming drug couriers for a little extra income. We figure that it would be a more respectable profession than working for the government or becoming a lawyer or something and you’d get to travel the world. But now, having seen Brokedown Palace, I’ve decided that it’s not such a good idea.

For if this film teaches us anything about smuggling drugs, it’s not that it’s dangerous, it’s not that it’s high risk, it’s not that it is morally and legally wrong, it’s that it is extremely boring and nothing like the brochures make out.

WOO! We're American! We're having fun! Woo! Look at my arms! WOO! WEEEEE!

Admittedly, the two girls (Claire Danes and Kate Beckinsale) aren’t really smugglers, they’re just two young stupid American bimbos on vacation in Thailand who unknowingly get used as drug couriers by sleazy Aussie Nick Parkes (Daniel Lapaine). It’s when they get locked up in prison that the descent into boredom begins. Rather than show us the two going through terrible abuse, torture, interrogations, or maybe even the odd shot of communal female showers, the place is more like a day care centre for stupid adults.

The problem is that the film looks like it was a co-production between the Thailand tourism commission, MTV and Hollywood. It’s a vision of hell that’s easily digestible for 16 year old girls to keep them on the straight and narrow, and hopefully make them buy the soundtrack featuring the day’s hottest artists and coolest tunes.

Save your money kids, download the MP3s off the ’net instead and stick it to the man!

Yes, we all know that drugs are bad, m’kay? We all know that smuggling drugs into a foreign country is bad, m’kay?. But do we really have to sit through 97 minutes of girly hissyfits to learn this?

Shot at 2.35:1, and transfered in this original aspect ratio to DVD with 16:9 enhancement, the picture is dark and dingy and dull, but looks good, because that's probably how it was meant to be. You're in Thailand, the weather isn't great, and then you're in prison. You want brightly lit scenes of dungeons? No, you want low lighting and dark full shadows creeping up on everything. The picture is clear with fair detail, not too crisp at all, but clear enough and very clean.

There's nothing which really draws you in to the film during this Dolby Digital 5.1 audio track. It's mostly a frontal mix, with some very brief and minor surround and effects utilisation which more fully creates an interesting environment around you. The music sounds good, if a little lacklustre, but the film isn't exactly a dynamic showcase anyway. Dialogue is spot on with clarity, with not a beat missed, not that much of the inane dialogue is worth listening to at times, but it sounds clear so no compliants from me.

A simple selection of Theatrical Trailer and Cast Biographies round off this DVD release. I can't imagine anyone was up to making any more for this film, so don't be disappointed.

Mostly dull and uninspiring and with an annoying and blatant music track that mushes the effectiveness of the story down to the impact of an episode of Home and Away, Brokedown Palace is a forgettable and underwhelming film/DVD package.