Kung Pow - Enter the Fist

I hate re-reading my own reviews. It shows how bad I am at this kind of thing and how little progress I’ve made over all the years I’ve been reviewing. You know that little theory about a million monkeys at a million typewriters eventually pounding out Shakespeare? Well, if I was one of those monkeys, I’d be the one still flinging my poo at the wall while the others are finishing off MacBeth or something. But to show you I’m not totally lazy, rather than just rehashing my original review, here’s the original unpublished first draft to read instead...

Take one little known ’70s kungfu film (well, I’ve never heard of it, and I’m the centre of my universe), splice it together with new footage, make up your own new story, superimpose the idiot who created Ace Ventura, do a silly redub of all the characters dialogue, plop it on some film and voila! Kung Pow: Enter the Fist.

And you know what? I like it. I really do. Some people hate it. Some don’t care for it. Others found it mildly amusing, but fell asleep because they worked in the garden all day. But me, I like it.

And this is my review, so only my opinions count. Not those of the New York Times. Not Ebert. Not you. Only mine.

But come on, how can you blame me? It has a woman with one single very large boob, the funniest fight scenes ever committed to celluloid, and a kungfu fighting cow!

A KUNGFU FIGHTING COW! That ALWAYS makes a film good. Take Citizen Kane. A good film, but it would have been even better if it had a fighting cow.

Mind you, even though Kung Pow runs a modest 79 minutes, it’s still about 20 minutes too long. But then again, there was no way a studio was going to release any film that ran for just 60 minutes. So we have to put up with it if we want this kind of idiocy on our screens. If you don’t want this kind of film made, you have to vote with your arses, people. Only go and see films with Gwyneth Paltrow and Hugh Grant if you don’t want to see Kung Pow-type films made. Of course, the only problem with that is that eventually they’ll get sick of making soppy romance films with Gwyn and Grant and make fighting cow films again, but instead of unknowns they’ll star Julie Roberts duking it out with an angry llama.

Enough on the negativity. So what’s the story about? Ahem... did you say ‘story’? What story? BWAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAA! Story... hehehe, that’s funny! What happens is The Chosen One (Steve Oedekerk – a likable enough idiot) is a man who is seeking revenge against a bad guy, Master Pain, who killed his family when he was a baby. Chosen One has been wandering around searching for him while fending off constant attacks. When their paths finally cross, the stage is set for a showdown, and a unique twist on who’s really running the show.

But forget that crap. Sure, it’s a good send up of those chopsockey films, and Oedekerk obviously has a thing for them, but that’s not why we’re here. Why are we here? I don’t know...

...and that’s what Kung Pow: Enter the Fist is all about. That’s why it works, goddammit! It’s the spirit of “I don’t know� filmmaking! Of doing things because you bloody well want to, that’s why! Of rising up against the teeming masses and shouting “Hey, Pearl Harbor sucked! Barney is a purple drga queen! I LIKED ARMAGEDDON YOU BASTARDS!�

Okay, I have absolutely no idea where I’m going with this review, so I'd better end this bit now before I get DVDnet sued or something. It’s a funny film, I laughed a lot.

You may disagree. It’s a free world.

How can you really complain? Using film stock which was in bad condition, new footage was shot and then processed to make most of it look as bad as the original so that it all matches. There’s even a scene shot on DV cam, but that has been processed so much you’d never know it anyway. It works pretty much seamlessly, what better can you ask for? So, it’s naturally not going to look as good as a new film, even though it is a new film, and the flaws you see on screen are basically intended or known about.

There’s nothing in the way of artefacts created during the making of the DVD. If there were, many would be well hidden by the average looking picture anyway, or would blend right in. It already looks washed out, grainy, scratched and old, so turn down your expectations a notch and you’ll get along famously. So clearly this isn’t high quality projector demo material.

There’s no change from the rental release quality to this release, the aspect ratio remains at 2.35:1, and it’s still 16:9 enhanced.

...hehehe... this is great, because if you hate lip synch issues, you’re well and truly stuffed. And there’s no point blaming your dodgy old Pioneer DVD player this time, that’s for sure. As the whole film is overdubbed with new dialogue, every bit of speech is out of synch. Even Oedekerk's lips don’t match what he’s saying. It’s intentional, it’s been done to death in everything from bad television comedies to nightclub routines, but it still works a treat. Hell, even a dog is affected by it! The audio could have been knocked out of whack another two seconds and it wouldn’t have mattered one bit. All the new actors spoke fake dialogue during the shooting of the film, which Oederkerk then dubbed new dialogue over the top of with his own voice. With the exception of one character, Whoa, all the voices are his.

The Dolby Digital 5.1 track presents everything fairly clearly, if a little unspectacularly. It’s not a complaint, it’s just that there’s very little for it to really work with. They’ve deliberately attempted to keep the style of the film true to the original feel, so most deficiencies are intended. The fights sound good, there’s a bit of minor use of surround channels for ambient noise and music support, and the whole affair passes by nicely without an audible hitch. If you want to compare it against something, compare it against the original audio for the film used in this spoof by accessing the alternate audio track. Now that’s bad audio.

So the original rental release shortchanged us a little bit. All we got then was some before and after visual effects, some cow animatics, a few deleted scenes and a directors cut of one fight. But it was a rental release, after all. Now, the full blown retail version is upon us and the whole kit’n’kaboodle from the States is present and accounted for.

The Menu
A different look from the rental release. Animated and themed more in line with the overall presentation of the film and extras, this is odd and funny.

A Panicked Thumb
And so the silliness begins... This is accessed from a link on the main screen. It plays a seven second scene from what I think is Thumb Wars, of a thumb screaming out “We’ve been hit!� As thumbs have been known to do in times of hardship...

Behind the Scenes Featurette
Your typical featurette, but they don’t take themselves too seriously so it’s not as annoying as some. You won’t really learn anything, but what exactly would you expect to learn? They’re happy with themselves, they had fun, and they’re probably glad it’s over.

Pow Visual Effects
Visual Effects: Before and After – this shows the original footage and how Oederkerk was placed in to the picture using a wonderfully complicated process called blue-screen. Cow Visual Effects: Before and After – This shows Oederkerk fighting by himself and then the same footage with the fighting cow placed into it.
Previsualisation: Cow Animatic – A computer generated storyboard of the cow fight, showing a much longer original sequence.

Commentary
Director/star/actor/idiot Steve Oederkerk and producer/editor Paul Marshal yack their heads off through this commentary. Because it’s a short film, and these guys are enjoying themselves, it’s an easy listen. They don’t impart much real info other than point out where Steve was placed into footage using either a full body composite of just a head. They don’t take things too seriously, they have a few laughs, answer a mobile phone call, sing, that kind of thing. I enjoyed it.

This commentary track also has a corresponding subtitle stream.

Alternate Audio Tracks
What Were They Really Saying? - This track has the original Mandarin audio from the real film, and also the original fake dialogue Oederkerk wrote for all the new characters before he overdubbed it. Some of this dialogue is just plain bizarre and funny and has no relevance to the story, which was intentional.

The Long Lost Book On Tape Version - This track has all the dialogue read by a guy with a very proper British accent. I can’t imagine anyone is going to listen to the whole thing, but it can be amusing with some of the stuff he has to say.

These audio tracks also have corresponding subtitle streams, so you can mix and match different audio and subtitles at the one time if you wish.

Cut Scenes
13 cut scenes of varying interest. The alternate opening is good, as are some of the torture moments. There’s also two versions of a song that was dropped, with the real words and the overdubbed version.

Tonguey Tribute
A brief montage of scenes involving Tonguey, the tongue thing that lives in Chosen One’s tongue, and has its own tongue.

Scenes With Alternate Dialogue
Six scenes from the film with alternate dubbed dialogue. Some are better, some are worse. From what they say in the audio commentary, there were quite a few variations on many scenes before the final cut.

Kung Pow Promos
Three brief promos, which I guess were played on American television, with the same 2D animated Evil Betty and Chosen One as in the Fond Farewell extra below.

Photo Gallery
Five sections in here, consisting of:
Film Frames – 14 still images from scenes in the film.
Cast – Nine images of various cast members.
Behind the Scenes – 12 images of production and before/after shots of effects.
Press Notes – 12 pages of text about the film.
Bios – Bios of a few pages each for some of the cast and crew.

A Fond Farewell
2D animated versions of the Chosen One and Evil Betty say adios and have a brief punchup. Er, more strangeness, but I guess they show they care.

Easter Eggs
There are two to play with - check out of Easter Eggs section if you really must...

For such a film, the number of Special Features may seem like overkill, but if this is what they wanted to do, who are we to argue? Fans will find it great value, and enemies will hold it aloft as an example of an industry that doesn’t have a clue about what it’s doing. The film may be an acquired taste, but then again, aren’t most? Go forth and enjoy, my flock.

They're threatening to actually make the followup, Kung Pow II: Tongue of Fury once they get a few other projects out the way, and I for one look forward to it.