Let’s face it, you don’t need an IQ the size of a phone number to know that if you’re hardly super young and lissom anymore, and your favourite food groups are pretty much chocolate, fish & chips and red wine, you have a high likelihood of becoming mega-porky with consummate ease. So it’s time to face facts, fat and… ARGH! Help! It’s Max Headroom with breasts!!!

Breathe, breathe (it’s important, apparently…)

Eep!

OK, once getting over the initial shock of Susan Powter’s somewhat alien-esque countenance and rather full-on manner, she actually seems quite nice for an American hosting a get fit video. Always encouraging, after all she used to be 133 pounds “fuller�, there’s none of that, “move it you fat tub of lardy, oopy, gelatinous goop� kind of stuff – although the lingo is a tad on the giggle-inducing side if you’re a lot of a sceptic like some of us. But once you get through all the “lift, press, push, squeeze, bend back into your butt�, “think deltoids�, “aerobic and anaerobic� and “torso stabilisation� kind of hyperbole, if you’re mentally prepared to make the effort to de-chubbify yourself somewhat, there are much worse ways than this to go about it.

Speaking personally, one of the biggest fears imaginable is the embarrassment of fronting up to a gym in hot pink tracky-dacks and wobbling all the wrong bits in front of a roomful of scornful, hyper-buff, fat-free Stepford wives. The beauty here is that it’s all been formulated so as to be easy to do in your own home – all you need is a chair, a step, some handheld weights, a towel or mat and some absorbent clothing (eww!) – and if you’re into minimalism and have pretty much none of the above you’ll still be able to get by. We’re reasonably gently guided through different phases of exercise by Susan, along with helpers Sally and Eric (yes boys, you too can exercise!). More specifically the program incorporates an active warm-up, muscular endurance interval training, active cool down, stretching, more muscular endurance interval training, more stretching, and the best bit by far, breathing and relaxation.

Let’s face it; through a veil of sweat and other icky bodily fluids, we’re not really going to give a major hoot what this looks like. But for those who’ll get all haughty if it isn’t mentioned, the video is presented in full frame (it dates back to 1995), and whilst a bit creamy looking, is good enough for the task at hand.

The audio is simple Dolby Digital stereo, and unless you’re some sort of freak you could ask for no more. It does the job at hand with great ease – presenting Susan’s often somewhat new-agey instructions such as “think about form, resistance, control and extension� clearly and distinctly, with nothing in the way of audio gremlins invading that all important workout sesh. Oh, if you need a bit more urgency or impetus to actually get into your exercise regime type thingy, you may wish to switch to the German audio track – schnell!

Extras? Nup. If you were hoping for a yummy hunk of chocky or a dreamy creamy pie stuffed into the disc’s case or the like you’ll be mortally disappointed.

As a way to burn flab without embarrassing yourself in public this little puppy just may be a great helper – and if nothing else you can simply have a giggle at what looks suspiciously like an audition tape for Play School…