What can I say about Thomas the Tank Engine - last millennium’s Bob the Builder - that hasn’t been said before? Icon to a generation. Beloved by billions of children worldwide. Gormless little chuffer whose friends are a right bunch of pricks. Yes - I’m sorry to say that I have rather strong views when it comes to Thomas and, sadly, they were only reinforced by watching Thomas and the Jet Engine. The fact of the matter is, Thomas may make a good poster-boy for the pint-sized, what with his smiling face and googly eyes, but his series is populated with nasty, vindictive characters and story lines that in nearly every case send children wrong, or at best mixed, messages. Filled to the brim with teasing, competitiveness, bitching and moaning - Thomas displays every bit of negative behaviour we try desperately to keep our children from developing. Well, at least until they start school that is. But hey, for those wanting to foster antisocial behaviour in their child, here’s a quick synopsis of each episode:
1. Thomas the Jet Engine
With Gordon the reigning speed champion, and winning in the smugness stakes again, a trip to Brendam docks to pick up a jet engine might supply Thomas with a chance to break Gordon’s record.
2. Percy’s Chocolate Crunch
There’s a water shortage and with wash downs limited to one a day, Percy has the shits right royally. With the dirtiest work in the dirtiest places, he’s covered in coal dust, but a special trip to the chocolate factory promises to make him dirtier than he’s ever been before.
3. No Sleep for Cranky
Down on Brendam docks, Cranky the Crane never gets a rest. And when teasing from the local shunters makes Crankey drop a load of pipes, the blocked tracks mean he’ll have to suffer old Salty’s tall tales all night. Come daybreak, he might find something to smile about!
4. Harvey to the Rescue
Harvey the new Crane engine arrives at Brendham docks, and his big proboscis makes him a target for teasing from the other engines. But when Percy has a stack, Harvey has a chance to show them his metal.
5. A Bad Day for Harold the Helicopter
Percy’s favourite job is delivering the mail, but when the signals are down, it looks like the mail isn’t going to get through. Worst still, it looks like Harold the Helicopter will be given the job. Overloaded with letters, Harold is brought down to earth and it’s up to Percy to save the day.
6. Elizabeth the Vintage Lorry
When Thomas breaks a coupling taking a special load to Brendham docks, his driver discovers a dirty old vintage lorry in a spooky old shed. She might just make it back to town for some new supplies if she doesn’t run out of puff.
7. Jack Jumps In
Jack the new front-loader is off to the quarry, and when he stands up to Max the local bully of a dump-truck he wins a few new friends. And he’s gong to need em’ when he spills over the edge of the road.
8. A Friend in Need
With Jack and his friends working by the old railway bridge, an accident knocks out the keystones and with Thomas racing towards the scene, disaster looms. It’s Jack to the rescue!
9. The World’s Strongest Engine
The troublesome trucks put Henry out of commission, and Diesel the rude polluter is brought in to pick up the slack. But when teasing from the trucks makes Diesel attempt a feat of strength, he crashes out of the picture to leave a newly fixed Henry to win one for good old steam.
Sound OK to you? Peachy. But I could have just as easily described them as: 1. Gordon the sore loser, 2. Percy chucks a tantrum, 3. Cranky’s still an arsehole, 4. Harvey the new chum is not like us, 5. Percy cracks the shits (again) , 6. Old is bad, 7. Bullys exist - get used to it, 8. Hey - one reasonable episode crept in, and 9. It’s OK to harm someone so long as they are a bastard. Hmm, one episode out of nine that doesn’t present some bad behaviour or nasty situation? Nice. But weren’t these characters first coined by a reverend? Bitter, whining, judgemental - yep, it all fits. The prosecution rests.
As we have come to expect from Roadshow’s ABC Kids releases, Thomas and the Jet Engine looks wonderful; a full-frame image brimming with detail and colour. Likewise, black-level and shadow-detail are excellent, and the resulting image does justice to the time and effort that has gone into the island of Sodor’s impressive scale models. Nasties, on the other hand, have been banished from the island - with only a small amount of aliasing (acceptable given the sharpness of the image) left to remind us that we are watching a digital reproduction.
In terms of audio we get a simple yet serviceable Dolby Digital stereo mix that, while never once leaving the front channels, delivers Michael Angelis’ all-important narration clearly and distinctly throughout.
In terms of garnish, some simple yet effective animated menus provide access to the episodes; either individually, or using the exquisite fire-and-forget play-all option. There are also three songs provided - Thomas We Love You, Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover and my personal favourite Rockin’ on the Railway. While each song provides its lyrics with a follow-the-bouncing-steam-cloud, I don’t know if any youngsters old enough to read them will still be interested. That said, some parent or other might just be unlucky enough. My daughter is only two and if she ever wants to watch these songs again I think I’ll just have to kill myself. Thankfully she showed little interest first time around…
