HOME   News   Reviews   Adv Search   Features   My DVD   About   Apps   Stats     Search:
  Directed by
  Starring
  Specs
  • Widescreen 1.66:1
  Languages
  • English: Dolby Digital Mono
  Subtitles
  • None
  Extras
    Carry on Spying
    Universal/Universal . R4 . COLOR . 83 mins . G . PAL

      Feature
    Contract

    Even for a Carry On movie, this is pretty bad. One of two I’ve reviewed, this one is far and away the worst of the pair. I got the distinct impression that none of the cast could be bothered even being there, let alone acting in it. Some truly wooden performances delivered in the artistic glory of black and white make for one 83-minute long outing into annoyance.

    The ‘story’ follows a group of trainee spies and their pursuit of a formula stolen by the underground organization of S.T.E.N.C.H. (Society for the Total Annihilation of Non-Conforming Humans). Travelling through classic spy locations like Algiers and piano bars and every other spy cliché going, the crap spies bumblingly outwit the baddies (who are even more bumbling it seems). The final confrontation between the trainees and their nemesis in this case is truly a work of crap, using reverse footage to show the reversal of time itself. Sigh. Does nobody bother learning physics anymore?

    I’m estimating a total budget equivalent of 40 quid max. They’ve used sparklers as props on a ‘brain disintegrator.’ Honest to God sparklers! This is just one cheap studio prop utilised throughout. Or, how about the physics of lead agent Simpkins having a door open on his pistol, bending the barrel toward the ceiling (hilarity later ensues when he fires it, naturally). Or Daphne, the agent with a photographic memory, who actually takes visual snapshots with her eyes. You hear the winding-on sound dubbed in and all! Man. Plus, on top of that, the sight of scrawny agent Charlie Bind in a pair of short bicycle shorts was more than I could bear.

    This film is tragic from go to whoa my friends.

      Video
      Audio
      Extras
    Contract

    Presented in its regal aspect ratio of 1.66:1 and not enhanced, this black and white British nightmare is a lot like a school play with a budget (of 40 quid, as noted above). There are a bunch of artefacts, but they aren’t prevalent. Occasional instances of aliasing are here as well, but again rarities. Flesh tones are as okay as a black and white film can make them and sometimes shadows in night scenes lose a little detail within. This doesn’t matter too much as not a lot is happening in the background. One good thing about this is it doesn’t suffer from the flickering some older black and white films can have. At least the picture is relatively good and lets us see the dodginess of the acting and storyline clearly.

    The sound package is pretty weak, but again, made on a shoestring no doubt. Dolby Digital mono brings every nauseating inflection, boob joke, double entendré and crap sound effect to glorious life. Magnificent! Musically, the film is rather trite. There’s nothing like music being used as a comedy agent and in this there is the eternal classic, the lumbering tuba being used as a fat man walks into a scene. You can’t script stuff like that! The music is too brassy and loud and occasionally tinny which just adds to the overall misery really.

    And if you want extras, forget it. Nuthin’. Thankfully.

    Overall the completists will no doubt want it, but for everyone else this film is just cheap phuff with barely a plot to hinge the general cheap sexism and ‘comedy sequences’ on. And now I think about it, maybe the completists won’t even want it.


  • LINK: http://www.dvd.net.au/review.cgi?review_id=2882
  • Send to a friend.
  • Do YOU want to be a DVDnet reviewer? If so, click here

    Cast your vote here: You must enable cookies to vote.
  •   And I quote...
    "Woeful and bereft of inspiration all round."
    - Jules Faber
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Player:
          Nintaus DVD-N9901
    • TV:
          Sony 51cm
    • Receiver:
          Diamond
    • Speakers:
          Diamond
    • Surrounds:
          No Name
    • Audio Cables:
          Standard Optical
    • Video Cables:
          Standard Component RCA
      Recent Reviews:
    by Jules Faber

    Narrow Margin
    "Gene Hackman as an action star? It happened… "

    A King in New York: SE
    "Taking a poke at too many demons makes this film a little stilted and not among his best works"

    A Zed and Two Noughts
    "Is it art or is it pornography? Who cares? Both are good."

    Blake's 7 - The Complete Series One
    "Performances are fine, but the flimsy sets, the crappy props and the undisguisable late 70s hairdos are just too much."

    Heavens Above
    "While not amongst some of Sellers’ more confident roles, this one is still up there amidst the more subtle of them…"

      Related Links
      None listed

     

    Search for Title/Actor/Director:
    Google Web dvd.net.au
       Copyright © DVDnet. All rights reserved. Site Design by RED 5   
    rss