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  Directed by
  Starring
  Specs
  • Widescreen 2.35:1
  • 16:9 Enhanced
  • Dual Layer (RSDL )
  Languages
  • English: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
  • English: DTS 5.1 Surround
  Subtitles
    English, Dutch, English - Hearing Impaired, Hindi
  Extras

    The One (Superbit)

    Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures Home Entertainment . R4 . COLOR . 84 mins . M15+ . PAL

      Feature
    Contract

    Here at the DVDnet Institute (we’re right next door to the Ponds Institute and across the road from the Head and Shoulders Dandruff Institute) we’ve developed a new theory as to what makes a film good. We’ve discovered that it’s not a creative and solid script, it’s not intense and powerful acting, it’s not even how many critics you pay to give you a good write-up in the papers and on the Internet. It’s none of these trivial things, which many people still erroneously believe are important factors in making a successful movie. The fools!

    It’s ‘noise.’

    Revolutionary, isn’t it?

    Follow me: for a movie to be a success at the box office, it needs to get its noises right. Not just any old noise will do. They have to be big, important, dangerous noises. Sexy noises, even.

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    This mouse has the biggest balls I've ever seen. On a mouse, that is.

    Let’s look at The One as a perfect example of this theory in practice as it uses noise very well indeed. For example, every time someone picks up a gun, they have to cock it and it will make a noise. A dangerous noise. A noise that makes you think “Hey, that gun sounds more deadly than usual!” Yes, the noise has made the viewer believe that if you were shot by this gun, you’d still die just like from a normal gun, but this one would hurt a lot more. Maybe you’d lose an organ or two as well. It’s all down to noise.

    When the cops are putting on their flak jackets and boots and even their underwear at the start of the film, the noises make you think “Man, that stuff must be cool to wear. Listen to the way the buckles go ‘SNAP!’ Those undies could probably stop a curry dead in its tracks!” It’s all done with noise.

    You see, if it wasn’t for the effective use of noise, the movie would be silent. Then it would probably suck pretty badly. The creators knew this, so they made sure that everything in the film made a dramatic noise. Touch screen computers make BLEEP MOOK noises when they’re touched, letting you know you’re watching some mighty fast computers at work. Maybe P4 6.6Ghz or something like that. Whatever the processor, you know it has a shitload of RAM and maybe one of those cooling fans that light up. Those things can add a few extra miles per hour. The weapons all go SCHNICK! and CLACK! and some of the more futuristic guns even go FZIIIIIIIP! They could be harmless looking spud guns, but if you heard a potato make that kind of noise, you’d know you’re in for a whole world of hurt.

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    Just..a..little..bit..closer..I saw this..on the..internet..

    Noise has other benefits. I admit I wasn’t expecting too much from the film, I mean, it couldn’t be all that good, could it? Jet Li? Jason Statham? Seriously, it’s not exactly pedigree stock they were working with. More of a crossbred mutt like the one down the road you keep trying to hit with your car when you drive past its owner's house and it’s come off the leash again. One day it’ll bark at you one time too many and you’ll time it just right so that it’s face gets cleaned up by your bumper real good. Noise takes second, even third rate actors, and makes them look like B+ actors by making everything they do sound dramatic.

    Good Guy 1: “We’ve got to stop that madman!”
    Good Guy 2: “Why? What’s the big deal?”
    FIIZZ! GLACKK! MOORK! EAAIIIIBRRZRT!
    Good Guy 2: “Holy SHIT! Anything that sounds like that MUST be dangerous! He’s a madman! We’re DOOMED!”
    Good Guy 1: “See? I told you.”

    Now you know that noise is important, let’s take a look at the film.

    Jet Li plays a bad guy called Something Law. Not actually Something, I just can’t remember the finer details off the top of my head because my memory has been shot to shit lately by lack of sleep and my brain is becoming Swiss cheese. So Law, let’s call him Jojo Law, is travelling across Multiple Universes, or “Multiverses” if you will, killing off all the other Law’s (we all exist in each different Multiverse, just in slightly different careers and hair colours). He’s killed about 123 of them so far, and when he can get rid of the last one he can finally lay claim to having the biggest dick of the Law’s in existence and no other Law will be alive to dispute it. When this occurs, it’ll really make him THE ONE, spelt just like that using capital letters, but I don’t know how exactly you would pronounce it. Maybe you have to puff your chest out and say it in a deep voice while strangling a goat and making love to a strange woman, or vice versa. And I don’t mean ‘strange woman’ as in “Hey Vince, why is your wife always screaming? Is she strange or somethin’?” I mean strange as in someone you don’t know, follow?

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    This version of Law deserved to die.

    He’s pursued by two cop types from an alternate Earth, played by Delroy Lindo and Jason Statham. Lindo is good as always and criminally underused by Hollywood. I like to think of him as a better ‘Samuel L. Jackson’ than Samuel L. Jackson, and maybe even a better Michael Jackson as well, but I’ve never seen Delroy moonwalk - or throw a kid off a balcony, for that matter. Statham, how to put his nicely... is shit. Well, more precisely, his accent is shit. His acting is shit as well, don’t get me wrong, but his accent is so bad that everything else gets caught up in its wake of shittyness. What’s more bizarre is his name. Ready? Funsch. No, I wasn’t calling you names. His name is Funsch. It has got to be an in-joke. It’s a good word to describe his acting though. “I thought Statham was really funsch in The One.”

    So Jojo Law is caught in the beginning of the film and sentenced to a penile colony - sorry, a penal colony - but escapes before they transport him. He takes off for Earth, our Earth, at least I think it’s our Earth, ah heck, it doesn’t really matter, he heads of for an Earth where the last surviving Law, this time a Gabe Law, lives as a police officer. Reluctantly Gabe hooks up with Funsch and together they have to try to stop Jojo before he becomes... deep breath and chest out... THE OOOOOONNNNE! Then he’ll become A GOD! Or DEAD! Or the universe will collapse in on itself. Fact is, no-one really knows what happens when you become... THE OOOOOONNNNE! And they don’t want to find out right now either.

    The film has a lot going for it. It’s short, it’s well paced, action packed and it contains a kickarse fight between Jet Li and himself that is far more exciting than any punch-up in The Matrix flicks so far. The effects work - mostly of Li moving at super quick speed while all around him travel in slow mo - ranges from Dodgy Brothers to fantastic in equal measure. Sure, it has holes and shortcuts visibly taken throughout (there’s only so much you can stick in 84 minutes) but put any thought of a critical shellacking aside long enough and try to take it as a live action comic book romp and you might well be impressed with the way it gets on with the job of entertaining you.

    The real question now is: How does it look as a SUPERBIT title? Read on...

      Video
    Contract

    I believe the term “Stonking good!” hasn’t been used in a DVD review before (possibly because I just made up the word ‘stonk’), so I lay claim to its very first use here. “The One looks stonking good!” Is it because it’s a 'SUPERBIT' transfer, or simply because they’ve actually done the sort of job they should on all DVDs without making you pay extra? You decide. This review is not for the discussion of such weighty topics, we’ve still got boobs to talk about here. And speaking of boobs, it’s a shame there aren’t any on display in this film, because the picture looks so clear that you’d want to reach right out and fondle them on the screen. Granted you’d look pretty frigging silly fondling the television screen if someone caught you, but you’d just have to tell them that 'SUPERBIT' boobs are simply too clear and detailed not to grope. Spread horizontally across your screen in a pleasant rectangular shape roughly reminiscent of the 2.35:1 aspect ratio, it comes with spectacular 16:9 'SUPERBIT' enhancement, which is just like normal 16:9 enhancement but costs $10 more. Flaws? There are none to mention. I could make some up, but then you’d send me all sorts of emails asking for timecodes and whatnots and I’d probably get sued by Sony. If you really are the sort of person who’s more interested in looking at visual imperfection than enjoying a film, then go in the bathroom and have a look in the mirror. Moving right along, here comes the big lettering which says...

      Audio
    Contract

    ...so that makes it time to discuss how it all sounds. Now, if my ears were erogenous zones, which they’re not, but if they were I would have a gooey mess dribbling down my neck right now. Coming in two flavours (okay, maybe that’s not the best choice of words) with DTS 5.1 and Dolby Digital 5.1, whichever you choose from will send waves of aural pleasure through your ears and into your brain. The Dolby track streams along at a comfortably spacious 448kbps and the DTS at 768kbps, with both dealing out lots of sonic activity with great ease. The sound design during the action scenes is very layered and aggressive with lots of thumping music and this DVD dishes it all out clearly and with great dynamic range. Sirens blare, gunfire explodes from the screen, and the little moments like bullet casings bouncing away from the screen and audibly passing behind your head add that extra level of immersion. Top notch stuff.

      Extras
    Contract

    Naturally, to fit the improved quality film onto the disc in 'SUPERBIT' format and add a DTS track, they’ve dumped the extensive extras present on the original release to make room. Yes, but the problem is this is only an 84 minute movie, and the film takes up under five gigabytes, so there’s a ton of space left for something.

      Overall  
    Contract

    The wasted space makes it a lot harder to justify dropping all the bonus material and a more dynamic (and space hogging) menu system. This erodes the supposed improved value of the disc a little in my eyes, especially seeing as the original release picture quality was pretty high to start with. If, on the other hand, you absolutely can’t live without a noisy DTS track, then sure, go right ahead and snap this up, you won’t be disappointed at all.


  • LINK: http://www.dvd.net.au/review.cgi?review_id=3262
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      And I quote...
    "It’s short, it’s well paced, action packed and it contains a kickarse fight between Jet Li and himself that is far more exciting than any punch-up in The Matrix flicks so far."
    - Vince Carrozza
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Player:
          Sony DVP-NS730P
    • TV:
          Philips 55PP8620
    • Receiver:
          Sony STR-DB1070
    • Speakers:
          Wharfedale s500
    • Centre Speaker:
          Polk Audio CS245
    • Surrounds:
          Wharfedale WH-2
    • Subwoofer:
          DB Dynamics TITAN
    • Audio Cables:
          Standard Optical
    • Video Cables:
          Standard Component RCA
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