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  Directed by
  Starring
  Specs
  • Widescreen 1.78:1
  • 16:9 Enhanced
  Languages
  • English: Dolby Digital Mono
  Subtitles
  • None
  Extras
  • Theatrical trailer
  • Animated menus

Halloween III

Force Entertainment/Infogrames . R4 . COLOR . 92 mins . M15+ . PAL

  Feature
Contract

Location - A well-lit, classy boardroom. The centrepiece is a long oak table, obviously extremely expensive, which is currently surrounded by suits. The figure sitting at the head of the table speaks:

Top Banana: Well done team, that Halloween film really did well for us. We've made a huge profit and women now find us more attractive and interesting.

Toadie 1: Hey, that's swell, boss. The sequel didn't do quite as well, though, did it?

Top Banana: Shut up, fool! How dare you interrupt when I am basking in my own brilliance?!

Toadie 2: Um, I think he might be right, boss. Takings were way down.

Top Banana: Hmmm. Your words are... disquietening. You suggest that an unoriginal sequel cannot make as much money as the original?

Toadie 2: Look at my Magic Eight-Ball. See, 'All Signs Point To Yes'.

Top Banana: Dear Lord! The Magic Eight-Ball never lies! What can we do?

Toadie 1: Wellll.. we could... no, that's a silly idea..

Top Banana: What? Tell me!

Toadie 1: Well, I was going to say that we could make a completely unrelated film, and just call it a sequel.. but that wouldn't be very moral, would it?

Top Banana: My God! That's brilliant! What do you think, Amazing Talking Monkey?

Ape: Ook*.

* - Morals be damned. This is Hollywood.

And indeed, this is a film that has no connection with the previous two Halloweens, except for a couple of brief shots of the first film playing on televisions. No Michael Myers, no Laurie Strode, and that's probably a good thing. I'm not sure if I could handle another 90 minutes of a slow mummy-in-training lurching around a cheap set after a near-comatose teen who seems not to realise that she can walk faster than he can.

Instead, this movie took a completely different turn at Alberquerque, ending up as an entertainingly-trashy B-movie involving an alcoholic doctor (Tom Atkins), a saucy girl half his age who wants to discover her father's murderer (and, implausibly, shag Tom in the process), an Evil Corporation, killer robots, kiddy death-by-television and the ever-present risk of a crappy ad jingle which repeats throughout the film about, oh, eight million times.

It sounds like either the worst thing you've ever seen, or a barrel of laughs, depending on your outlook, and I have to admit I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than the atrocious Halloween II. It's not in the least bit frightening of course, but it's a fun reminder of bad 80s 'horror' films, including the gratuitous nudity, which is almost taboo these days. Remember kids, jiggly bits are fun.

Interesting aside: The screenplay is credited to director Tommy Lee Wallace, but was apparently the work of the writer of the classic Quatermass and the Pit from 1967, Nigel Kneale. Old-timer Kneale demanded his name be removed from the production after seeing the level of violence in the picture.

  Video
Contract

At first glance, the video transfer is similar to the first Halloween disc, with decent sharpness, fully saturated colour and slightly plugged-up shadow detail. However, the observant viewer will notice poor framing within a couple of minutes, and the oval appearance of distant lights gives away the original format of this film - Panavision. For some inexplicable reason, the disc has been transferred in the wrong aspect ratio. I can only assume it was a deliberate decision, as no telecine operator could make such an obvious error.

For me personally, a mistake like this would be reason enough to skip this disc, but those coming fresh from VHS fullscreen hell may not be as sensitive to bad composition as I am.

  Audio
Contract

The mono audio track is extremely problematic. Aside from a constant low-level hiss, a large portion of the soundtrack is filled with annoying clicks (like LP surface noise). Fidelity is dated, and the score is often distorted.

The soundtrack is credited to John Carpenter and Alan Howarth, but the only music from Carpenter is recycled score from the first Halloween. The credit sequence is original, with Howarth's synthesizers bleeping in perfect syncronicity with a CRT display which is gradually mapping out an image of a pumpkin. I actually really like his work here - I'm a sucker for 70s analogue synths.

  Extras
Contract

Besides a rough-looking theatrical trailer and a misleading animated menu, this is a great steaming bowl of nothin'.

  Overall  
Contract

Well, it's better than Halloween II, in that I didn't want to go running from the room to do the dishes or something, but would I actually buy this disc?

Not a chance. A renter at best, if you've already laughed yourself silly at Species 2 and need something else to poke fun at.


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      And I quote...
    ""
    - Paul Dossett
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Rom:
          Pioneer 103(s)
    • MPEG Card:
          RealMagic Hollywood Plus
    • TV:
          Mitsubishi Diva 33
    • Amplifier:
          Yamaha DSP-A1
    • Speakers:
          Richter Excalibur
    • Centre Speaker:
          Richter Unicorn
    • Surrounds:
          Richter Hydras
    • Audio Cables:
          Monster RCA
    • Video Cables:
          Monster s-video
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