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  Directed by
  Starring
  Specs
  • Widescreen 1.85:1
  • 16:9 Enhanced
  • Dual Layer ( )
  Languages
  • English: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
  • English: DTS 5.1 Surround
  • Commentary - English: Dolby Digital Stereo
  Subtitles
    English
  Extras
  • 16 Deleted scenes
  • Audio commentary
  • 3 Featurette
  • 3 Music video
  • Outtakes
Honey
Universal/Universal . R4 . COLOR . 90 mins . PG . PAL

  Feature
Contract

And then there’s this.

Another in a long, ongoing line of teen dance films, Honey is pretty much flavour (sorry, ‘flava’) of the month or season or year or whatever the hell the people (sorry, ‘peeps’) who make this sort of film measure the fashions by.

This one is strictly pret-a-porter regarding story content. It’s a string of clichéd moments in which Honey, the lead character, lives her hip-hop life. See, she’s a bartender in a nightclub by night (but not a true one; she smiles at the customers and makes eye contact. She doesn’t wear the subtle ‘I hate you’ real bar girls wear to prevent being hit on either). By day, she works in a record store (but not a real one, because all the sales people there are pretty and well dressed). And, in her free time, she teaches hip-hop dance at her mother’s dilapidated youth hall (while strutting basketballers play nearby, of course).

She gets offered a job dancing in a music video and then another and within moments she finds herself choreographing music videos and ignoring her friends. Meanwhile, she’s getting jiggy with some dope guy (Mekhi Phifer) and earning fly paper with big faces (that’s money). Naturally she gets to meet all the biggest names in the industry (or those who don’t read enough of their own press to know they’re not huge stars) and make videos for them and pretty soon the headliners are asking for her by name. Of course, then there’s a sleazy director who thinks because he helped her get a toehold, he gets to… well, you know. Buy her dinner.

Plus, of course, there’s the troubled street kids she wants to help get off the street by teaching them hip-hop dancing. How many guys do you see in hip-hop videos, though, I gotta ask? The ones we do see seem mainly confined to sitting whilst sluttily garbed stick figures shake they ass in they faces.

So, it’s obviously riddled to bursting with cliché. Jessica Alba, that star of Dark Angel, plays Honey here and she does a fairly capable job, though she just seems a little too perfectly made up at all hours of the day and night. Not to mention the rest of these street punks. You know, for a poor neighbourhood there sure is a lot of expensive clothing being worn.

In summary then, we understand that the film:

  • a) isn’t factual
  • b) isn’t anything even resembling real life
  • c) is formulaic to the point of prediction and
  • d) is for teenage girls who haven’t had the weight of the world crush their spirits yet.

And they can have it.

  Video
  Audio
  Extras
Contract

This looks exactly like a film shot recently and transferred immediately should look. There’s no real issue with anything here other than, possibly, the colour. It all looks fine but at times (particularly in the nightclub and music video scenes) it looks hyper-garish and almost offensive to the eye. Other than this (which doesn’t really count) the 1.85:1 with 16:9 enhancement looks superb transfer wise.

Yo yo, it’s all about the music here and this soundscape barely lets up with myriad hip-hop performances from numerous hip-hop celebs. The subwoofer supplies the thumpin’ for the music brilliantly and while the surrounds don’t do as much as they could in this Dolby Digital 5.1 surround setup, they carry the music at least. A DTS 5.1 track system is also included here, although I didn’t detect a great deal of difference in this mostly music deal.

Dialogue is charitably cheesy and again, predictable throughout, and occasionally gets a little mumbled in the lazy drawl of some hip-hoppers. Not to worry though, we can probably guess with around 95 percent accuracy what they probably said.

Performers waiting on a cheque for this film include Tweet, Ginuwine, Jadakiss (who also appeared in the appallingly horrid telemovie DVD release Ride or Die… getting the picture now?) and Sheek. Missy Elliott at least turns up to spell her name right and is one of the better (and only) highlights of this film.

As for extras, word up for a scantily-clad shitload of the shit here for all yo peeps out dere. The first is a sugary wetfest in the audio commentary from Jessica Alba and director Bille Woodruff. This plays out like a ‘my first audio commentary’ and is wholly irritating without anything of merit to say and nothing about the film’s production. In fact, it’s a long string of ‘man, that guy was good’ or ‘I kissed him behind the bikesheds’. Yes, it feels that juvenile.

Behind the Groove: The Making of Honey isn’t a documentary about bees (unfortunately) and runs for a nauseous 10:57 with the usual style of interview grabs and arse-kissing. 16 deleted scenes follow and these are worthless, while the outtakes compiled by two losers warranted them sticking their handles on the end. A useless 4:08 of dead disc.

Make Your Move: Dance Like Honey! is just that; a class in dancing by choreographer for the film, Laurie Ann Gibson. Good for the little girls watching, but I couldn’t even stomach the whole thing. Sorry.

Three music videos in Jadakiss singing J.A.D.A., Shawn Desman singing Sexy and Blaque singing I’m Good. Ah, the vanity. And the lies.

In the Mix With Blaque: Go Behind the Scenes of Blaque’s Music Video is 6:36 featuring interviews with this three-piece band who think they’re going somewhere by being included in this film. Good luck with that, girls.

Okay, maybe I’m being needlessly harsh here. The film is watchable, but for anyone even remotely familiar with the filmmaking process this may prove too much. I imagine the target audience here of girls aged eight to 15 will be thrilled with Honey’s in-your-face attitude and peppy moves, but she’s too clean and pretty to give any real credibility to.

Still, this isn’t aimed at me and even the thousands of scantily clad hotpants wearing slatterns in the film weren’t enough to fix my attention for the 90 long, long minutes of this sugar-frosted diabetic descent into hell. The little girls will no doubt be in raptures though.


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  •   And I quote...
    "Got diabetes? Stand well back."
    - Jules Faber
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Player:
          Teac DVD-990
    • TV:
          AKAI CT-T29S32S 68cm
    • Speakers:
          Teac PLS-60 Home Theatre System
    • Centre Speaker:
          Teac PLS-60 Home Theatre System
    • Surrounds:
          Teac PLS-60 Home Theatre System
    • Subwoofer:
          Akai
    • Audio Cables:
          Standard RCA
    • Video Cables:
          Standard Component RCA
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