Red Heat

When Arnie hit the big time, there was no question of what sort of genre he’d be recycling on what seemed an almost monthly basis. With his hoooge arms and very big

Then, almost overnight, there was a rash of unexpected

This, along with most of his generic formula of “stare, walk, shoot, wisecrack�, became almost an industry unto itself, until severe

Finally, when the rash cleared, he was sent to

And that pretty much was that. As you can tell, there’s very good reason for thinking that Arnold would one day put his finger on the

I mean, really, was there ever any doubt that she was going to tear off his

If so far you’ve found this review very annoying to read (and I mean more annoying than my usual reviews), I’m less than pleased to say that there’s a very good reason for it. You see, somehow there has been a major stuff up with the subtitles in the film, and most lines of Russian dialogue that require two screens of text to convey have been truncated to one screen. The result, if you’ve never seen the film before, or if you can’t speak Russian, makes it impossible to understand what the hell is going on in the early Russian set scenes, and a few later scenes with Russian dialogue. While Russian characters continue to speak, their subtitles stop mid-sentence.

Very, very annoying. Seriously.

Some people may well argue that it’s nigh on impossible to figure out the story of an Arnie film anyway, or indeed that his films don’t actually have a story to worry about, and to those people I say “Ah, shut up.� Why can’t you just accept that even Neanderthals deserve the right to watch their films the way they’re supposed to be. Would you be happy if Schindler’s List was colourised for DVD?

No? Didn’t think so.

Arnold’s da man. They shoulda got the subtitles right.

As it stands, I can’t recommend you buy this DVD at all if you think that the subtitle issue will annoy you, and this lack of attention forces me to declare that this release doesn’t really deserve a thorough analysis in review form either.

Screw ‘em. They obviously don’t care, so why should I?

And it’s a shame, ‘cause the film looks okay for the age, and scores fairly well in most departments. Framed at 1.85:1 16:9 enhancement, the picture certainly looking cleaner and sharper that I either recall or remember or imagined, and after the average results of Raw Deal this looks much better. Still, colours are dull and swamped by grey surrounds, and the blacks are pretty flat and lifeless. On the other hand, grain is not a prob at all, barely registering on smaller displays and the film is given plenty of space on disc to breathe.

A mixed bag, some thumbs-up, some thumbs down. The sound design (in Dolby Digital 5.1) is the major culprit, with the gun effects the main annoyance to me. Every gunshot sounds the same, even though coming from vastly differing weapons. Pedantic you think? Puh! I want gunfire to sound right, not just sound loud and monotonous, which appears to have been the determination here. A .357 sounds vastly different to a 9mm, and different again to a soggy cucumber sandwich, but you wouldn’t know it from this film. Other than that point, which isn’t really the fault of the transfer to disc anyway, the rest of the film gets by fairly simply enough. Do I sound dismissive? Good, ‘cause I am. The aforementioned subtitle screw-up has simply wrecked the film experience for me, and I’m taking it out on this review, okay?

There’s diddly-squat here, which just makes it easier to make my final assessment.

MWUHAHAHAHAHA! FEEEEEEEEEEL MY WRATH!

Ahem..Just kidding...

Some of you might think that I’m over-reacting a little, but I reckon this is a screwed-up release, and should be confined to the bins and done over from scratch, but there’s realistically sweet FA chance of that happening, now is there? Let’s face facts, as much as some of you would like to think of yourself as knowledgeable elitist early adopters of DVD, you’ve quickly become the minority as the great unwashed masses join this revolution in home entertainment. Go ahead, gather together all the like minded individuals you can in online forums and support groups and digital whatnots, and post your angry little tirades and flames and demands for a boycott till things are done right, but face the reality that your opinion means nothing, no-one’s listening and nothing will be done about it. But, hey, if it makes you feel better for having tried, go right ahead and exercise your right to freedom of speech. Just don’t expect anyone to give a shit, is all I’m saying.

Buy this DVD or not, whatever, make a stand for what you think is right, or sit down and just watch the film and get over it.

And just in case you were wondering, Arnie DOES NOT eat a strawberry jam sandwich in this film.