The Groomsmen

That American Pie has so much to answer for…

Due to the popularity of that series it seems someone, in their ultimate wisdom, thought they could make something similar but with a twist; at a wedding! The result is nothing short of, well, shit really.

You have a group of four male friends. The first two look like the football guy (Chris Klein) and Stifler (Seann William Scott) from American Pie. But they aren’t. These guys are the cheaper, lamer versions saved exclusively for C-grade cinema.

Then there’s a klutzy guy who is a total geek and can’t be cool for the life of him. Finally, there’s a smooth chick magnet who has decided to get married… but is it for the right reasons?

Being loaded, the wedding is this weekend, so the guys all pile into a car and drive up to this big property. There, the Stifler one makes a bet with the Chris Klein one; If Chris Klein-a-like can have a one-night stand (previously unheard of for this character) he will win his big shiny car. And if Stifler can not have sex for the weekend (another previously unheard of for this character thing) he gets to have sex with Chris Klein-a-like’s chirpy sweet sister.

And so the battle begins. All the while, Chris Klein-a-like is still in love with the bride, as he dated her in high school and he must decide if the chick magnet guy (his best friend) really has the best of intentions toward her.

And I think there’s some more.

You have to wonder when a film’s best gag is a farting pig, don’t you? There are some needlessly and overtly sexual gags as well, including a girl who shagged some dude to death. The chick who plays her looks like an ex-porn star who thinks this film is her big break… but then ends up playing a sultry sexpot without any acting ability.

It’s sad, but I did laugh at the pig farting gag. You gotta love that. As to the rest of the film, it doesn’t live up to this single cinema defining moment and isn’t enough to support such rich humour. Maybe a group of high school boys who’ve never seen anything but a picture of a naked lady could enjoy this and, as far as I’m concerned, they’re welcome to it. In fact, the first to call me about it can have my copy.

If they can wrestle it from my pig.

This transfer looks just as a film shot in 2001 should look when transferred to DVD. Except the 1.85:1 aspect ratio doesn’t get 16:9 enhanced. Everything’s quite sharp though, with even the shadow detail being slightly above average for content. Colours are well balanced and blacks are true, although there is a faint ghostly haze surrounding some fairer whites early on. Otherwise everything is nice and clean (visually speaking of course).

The film is narrated by the Stifler guy and he has absolutely no narrative capacity at all in his repertoire. His delivery is like listening to the fourth speaker at a box convention talking about the intrinsic design of the flattest edge on a box. A big, flat box.

Delivered in the pulse-pounding excitement of Dolby Digital 2.0, the sound effects comically enhance some of the weaker moments and include a pig farting (if I haven’t mentioned that already). As to music, this sounds like a piano lounge at 2a.m. on a Tuesday night. Whoever Howard Drossin is, he should be working in a piano lounge at 2a.m.

On a Tuesday night.

Woo, a trailer that’s so good it needs to include the production company’s animated logo for the first seven seconds. It runs for 2:04 and naturally includes all the best gags (except the pig farting… they musta figured to save something for the saps that took this home).

Plus the ‘Pirates are out to get you’ annoying and shitty trailer at the start. Yeah, someone would pirate this 40 cent movie. Right.

If you like lamearse delivery, puerile humour and sexual jokes beyond the pale, this is your film. If you are over 17, however, you might like to give this one a wide, wide berth.

Wide.